The Long and Winding Road...

There is a Blogging rule that says, ‘If thou has nothing to say, then thou shall Blogeth about Blogs’

That shouldn’t be taken as a confession that I have nothing to say, in fact I always do, it’s just that I might not have stuff to say that might be of any interest to people!

With that disclaimer out of the way let me go on. Sometime back in my rather misplaced sense of humour, I put my mail id so that people who had lots to tell me, which had very little/no connection to what I was saying in my post could mail me at that. I could in turn write back to them lovingly, which could potentially lead to beginning of a beautiful friendship!

Now, I don’t get too many mails on that, which is a good thing given the kinds that I get! But of the ones that I do, with the exception of two people, the rest are totally weird. (Of course if someone’s mail id has hrithikinsideme and swashbucklingstud007, then you can begin to approximate the horror of what the contents will be like!)

Now, some of them are your regular kind of Internet Weirdo’s – you know the ones whose opening lines would be ‘What’s your size?’ ‘Do you masticate?’ (Errrrm) etc. Those I have learnt to brush aside most easily, I mean, there are many factors here – too much time, limited intellect, grammar challenged, not getting any, etc. Surely, one must not grudge people for all of that?

There are others who have suggestions about my Blog, like for instance, ‘Why does your Blog look so ugly?’ Now, what do I say to that?
a) That it reflects my true self… I am ugly and hence my Blog is?
b) That I am sort of technology challenged?
c) That I am a little blind and hence aesthetically challenged?
d) That I thrive on ugliness?
e) That my current Blog is actually a teaser campaign for a Before-After metamorphosis?
f) That I like to offend people with substance?

Of course, that was a rhetoric question by the person who is asking it. But what fun are questions that one can’t answer na? Besides as a digression, aren’t rhetoric questions some kind of an embedded command combined with Mentionities – that is you try to get attention of other person to a detail that he/ she might have missed and will him/her to respond in a manner that you think he/ she ought to. All these mind games, I tell ya! :)

But, ya thanks for the feedback on increasing the prettiness quotient of my Blog. (I have even been recommend, consultants I ought to rope in for the same!). When intent and desire will conspire I will do that, at the moment both are lacking! :) And while they do say, “Beauty lies in yes of the beholder…” (A theory which I don’t quite subscribe to!), your point is well taken, thanks!

Now aesthetics is okay, acceptable even, but another one that I get saddled with is this, ‘Why is your Blog so (un) interactive?

Ah, what do I say to that?

I think some soul searching will do me good, okay not the soul may be... but some pop-psychology won't do any harm!

So, we have these various types of Blogs, or so I think.

For instance, I think there are some Blogs, which are what I call Hyper-Blogs (same analogy as Hyper-Mart, you know the huge type discount stores a la Walmart);

Some are like MacBlogs (Aka McDonalds – that is no matter where you go it’s the same experience)

And some are your Feel Good Blog (Shop Around the Corner and all that feel good humbug, quaint and stuff)

Finally we have the Govt Babu Blogs (Like the CSD canteens, Govt Airlines, Nationalized Banks and Ration stores type of places. While the products might be good, but the shopping experience is hardly hot, complete with bored and uninterested sales personnel. And only the ones with the ‘right connections’ gets noticed.)

Of course, in case you are missing it, the Commenter is the Shopper/ Consumer. So depending on the store you go to, your loyalty levels and consumption patterns will vary hugely!

So, if you go to…

Hyper Blogs: You might like what you see, but the host/hostess will be missing. Yet, the world and the uncles can be spotted there. You sort of get your gratification and move out. You may or may not be loyal to the site… But you know, it’s a good bet, and at any point when you have nothing else to do, you go back there… They will do no self-marketing, they will just be there on every page, linked to everyone’s Blogs! They will do frequent postings!

Mac Blogs: Here you might get some reassurance that you are not alone, but that apart the standout value and memorability will be low. You might leave a comment if the Macness being communicated is in sync with your Macness. Of course, all the Mac people usually hang out together. These Blogs will do some Direct Marketing kind of selling, no mass media approach. Go leave comments on Blogs of other Bloggers who are obviously potential commenters!

Feel Good Blogs: Here the host/hostess of the Blog will make you feel all welcomed and Coo sufficiently. And depending on your preferences you may either be put off by the cloying sweetness or might enjoy the, “I loved your Blog and its so good that you commented on my Blog thing…” These Blogs enjoy high Commenter loyalty and very often the posts and comments might have no relation to each other. Also there will be so many parallel conversations that will take place in the comments-space that if you join in mid-way and are not endowed with multi-dimensional thinking, it might be a problem. I think these are the elusive “Interactive” Blogs! These people will be nice to everyone, reply to every comment, go leave comments on other people’s pages and will also leave, ‘Welcome to Blogging’ in newbies pages… and they will post most infrequently, I suppose till they get tired of their 3,45,568 comments! :)

Govt Babu Blogs: These Blogs, are the kind which a few people 'still' remain loyal to. Mostly people hate and whine about them, like we do with the Government. The host/hostess of these Blogs are nicer to people with connections and part of their inner Circle! :) They will almost never voluntarily comments on other Blogs unless once again its an Inner Circle thing. They may not reply/ or reply very late to comments that other readers leave on their Blog!

Naturally, I am a cross between a Govt Babu Blog and a Mac Blog and it would seem… Though, I must admit I didn’t sort of think of it as way before I began Blogging. I normally don’t think much about most things anyway! :)

So, that my dear friends explains the lack of (un) inter-activeness of my page!

However, not exactly related, I have promised a friend, who reads my Blog, that I shall not do any posts on people who leave me nasty comments on my Blog, I am trying not to. So, I shall stop myself from ranting about the said person. So, much Inner Poise I tell you! :)

While on Blogs, my mom has become a frequent reader of my Blog, this after our neighborhood newspaper had an article on, ’45 year old housewife runs away with Internet friend’

So, I think she figures, that the next edition might have a story on ‘Chennai Blogger Elopes’ or some such. So, she read my posts with a fine-tooth comb and made some incisive observations that I shall spare you the details about, and me the embarrassment! :)

But, she looked at the commenters and asked me the following questions:

a) Is that a man/woman?
a.1) If answered woman… What’s her real name? STOP INTERROGATION
a.2) If man… go to (b)

b) Do you know him from before?
b.1) If YES, Stop Interrogation
b.2) If NO, go to (c)

c) Where does he live? What does he do? Etc.?

d) Does he know your real name?

e) Show me his Blog?

f) Is he a Tam-Brahm?

Really, my mom sometimes will outdo herself. Like she told me post the analysis of my Blog Links: You have 3 Mallus, 2 Bongs, 3 Tams, 2 Gults, 1 UPite and rest DKCS (Don’t know, cant say) on your list! So, she has reached the most awesome conclusion that Kerala is the most evolved Blogging state in the country. I quote, ‘Such a small state and so many of them!’

So, that’s what we have…

Now given that I am in the business of gauging peoples opinions, I have decided that if I don’t take suggestions seriously, how can I expect my clients to?

So, I have decided to make my Blogspace most interactive. Now, like in modern day marketing, there are two ways to get consumers to buy:

1) Give ek-ka-saath-ek-free offer or 10% extra or Gold coin inside Blog etc.
2) Create buzz and hype, where there is none!

Now, I am not too sure about giving away stuff for free, so I think I will run a contest instead! It will be fun! :)

So, pay attention, for I shall not repeat this:

1) Link the title of the post to the contents of the Blog in some manner.

2) Count the number of paragraphs that begin with “Now”in this post.

3) Compose a Haiku which has your Id embedded into it.

4) Quote the opening lines of, ‘Gone with the Wind’

5) Quote the original source of, ‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife’

6) FOR THE MEN: If in like in the movie, “The truth about Cats and Dogs”, you were presented an opportunity to choose between Janeane Garafalo and Uma Thurman then who would you choose and why? NOTE: Honesty will be appreciated over political correctedness. FOR THE WOMEN: Would you contemplate doing what Janeane Garafalo character does in the movie?

7) From this dialogue in the movie, “When Harry met Sally” “I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Which is the part you liked the most? Thought was the clincher?

Okay, that looks tough, doesn’t it? Will I scare away existing readers I wonder? However, you may attempt any 4 of them, thats okay right?

However, must warn you that I have given differential rating to each of these questions and will score you accordingly.

Oh, I am sure everyone wants to know the prize; I promise there is one all right!

I shall shortlist 3 people for the final round! :)

And might I also add, depending on how it goes, I might choose to rig the contest.

Should there be no response, I will get in touch with the Consultant to make my Blog pretty and conclude that, “Beauty does indeed, lie in the eyes of the beholder”

UPDATE: Attempting Q(1) and Q(3) will fetch you 10 Bonus Points! :)